2019

 

It was my year of firsts. We all have that one year in our life which we can label as “the year which destroyed me”, and I would be quick to point at 2019. Incidentally, this would also be labelled as “the year which surprised me”, the most. In essence, 2019 was one complex scumbag. Not the scumbag you want, but maybe the scumbag you need, to become a stronger person.

Thanks to a fantastic upbringing by my parents where they instilled a strong value system in me, I think my sense of gratitude has always been existent, but 2019 heightened it further. I call it the “Year of Firsts”, because I am amazed, that, while in my head I always looked at it as the year of last – the last one before 30- and I found moments and started learning to look at it differently. Instead of “almost 30” to yeah, okay, 29 - the last twenty to have a good time.

2019 for me was rather eventful. Several first time experiences (both lovely and rotten ones), enriched me. With this post, I am opening up about them on the www, in the hope that people who believe they aren’t getting the big wins in life and seem dejected and experience existential nihilism, just like I oftentimes have – please don’t despair- there are people like you and me trying to the find joy in, and from microscopic moments and miniscule experiences that one opens themselves up to.  

My list would probably come across as quite laughable with pity, and, maybe even eye-roll worthy, but I needed to document it, for, in the years to come, I don’t forget that I made it through 2019, and heck, I may just stand a chance to make it through the next decade, too!.

• Took my parents on a holiday. A big first! (Planned, funded & executed. Golden Temple check, Taj Mahal check).  
• Took myself on a holiday – first solo trip * woot woot *
• Got a double promotion at work (because going just one level up was too mainstream). *drumroll*
• Visited 4 Indian states for the first time  - Uttar Pradesh, Uttarakhand, Punjab & West Bengal
• Went on my first ever trek. #TigersNest, baby!
• Put myself on a dating app for the very first time
• Started meeting people from matrimonial websites in the hope quest to find a “life-companion” or whatever schmuck.
• Got dumped. In a nasty manner.  Despite knowing all along I would be dumped – there was no taking away the surge of emotions that followed.
• Tried G&T for the first time. 
• Went for a jazz night for the first time. #lit
• Visited a monastery for the first time.
• Someone tried to molest me. I said a strong ‘No’ at the very first move, and thankfully nothing happened.
• Fell in the middle of a trafficky street, a few meters away from an oncoming truck. Felt so close to thinking I wouldn’t make it or land up in a hospital bed. Funniest bit – got up, kept walking, and got to my workplace like nothing had happened. My trousers have a “scar” on them, which reminds me every time of how fickle life is.
• Developed acne on my face. Aargh!  Spent a bomb to get rid of it. Wounds and scars seemed to be my flavor of 2019.
• My first time on a B-777 jumbo jet.  Aaah. What a massive bird!
• Started having lunches alone. It was weird at first, but like all things in life, You. Just. Get. Used. To. It.
• Begun showing spiritual leanings, more than I ever have in my life.
• Didn’t catch a cold or run a fever the entire year. Oh man! How good is it to be blessed with good health?
• Won a plank challenge at the gym. #MachoMe

Writing this took me weeks. Not because I was editing it to perfection, but because I kept putting it away, angry at myself that I didn’t write like I used to earlier. Couldn’t get past a few sentences without loathing myself for every word that I typed – because I felt I haven’t managed even a mediocre sentence, every letter is “truly sub-standard”, and that I had no business having a blog anymore. That person who did post on this website earlier was killed and is constantly turning in her grave, because it only seems like someone awfully horrendous(me, in 2020) at writing, is now using her name and her blog to continue posting.

Apologies for the morbid finish – I hope my 2020 resurrection, if there is one, is more delightful!